The New Adventures of an Old Heart

It has been forever since I've blogged=true.

Much has changed=true.

Have time to update it all right now...=false....but soon, so stay tuned...:)

The tides are still changing.

Turning the Tide

The countdown has begun. I am in the roller coaster car of life and the safety bars are locked and we are climbing the hill.

I, along with several other artists and friends have, the last few weeks started building a dream, and yesterday, I believe, marked a pivotal point in my life, career, and dreams. Together, we joined the 168 Film Festival, and over the next few months will be building a production team to produce and shoot an eleven minute short film to be completed in one week. Production won't start till February but already that is sounding like a short amount of time. But our hope is that from this first outing will be able to build a team to create many future projects together. Finally, there is a path, a direction, a goal to shoot for. I feel it is a truly defining moment in my life and the lives of my fellow producers.

The circumstances surrounding this however are a bit daunting.

The check I wrote for the entry fee yesterday is some of the last money I have for now, as I have been waiting over a month for a sizeable amount of money that has left me in a series of frustrating financial situations. Primarily, as a result of my cash flow, I've been able to pay my other bills and eat, but I've only been able to pay half of my rent for the month and am not sure when I will get the rest-and let me just say it is truly only by the grace of God my apartment managers have been willing to work with me! Yet, despite all of this, I have so much peace and I find I am the most excited I have been in a long time! I firmly believe it is the beginning of the great things God wants to do in and through my life.

However, a few years back I can tell you I would have been freaking out; but, this morning when all of this was being worked out, I was clear headed and calm and knew somehow that God was in the midst of it. Please know too, I am not unconcerned about the situation, I'm just not worried about it. Even as I am writing this, I am wrestling about whether I should share it. As a man, I find myself feeling weak for being in this financial situation. Granted I've done all I can to pursue my money, and unfortunately I can do nothing but wait. But as a man of God, I find myself humbled and realize that the only thing to do is to share it, otherwise how can He be glorified? Clearly, this is the path He has me on for now for whatever reason, and I must embrace it.

This morning as I spent some time pondering all of this, I picked up a book I hadn't in a long time (and don't say the Bible you silly kids, clearly that is not true:), it's called "The Imagineering Way". It's a collection of thoughts an anecdotes from many of the Imagineers who have worked with Disney over the years. There's even something Uncle Walt himself wrote. In it, he questions the "common sense" of some of the decisions he made when he was younger, like when he was twenty one and had his first failure as a businessman. He tells it so much better than I do, here:

"...as I look back on how tough things were, I wonder if I'd go through it again. I hope I would.

When I was about twenty-one, I went broke for the first time. I slept on chair cushions in my 'studio' in Kansas City and ate cold beans out of a can. But I took another look at my dream and set out for Hollywood.

Foolish? Not to a youngster. An older person might have had too much 'common sense' to do it. Sometimes I wonder if 'common sense' isn't another way of saying 'fear'. And 'fear' too often spells failure. "

Ouch, Uncle Walt. I think I like the happy endings in your movies better...but he has a point. Clearly when he was 21 and broke, his career did not end! Failure is just as much a part of our dreams as success. Let's not let our "sad endings" cause us to miss our humble beginnings. And as we push forward in pursuit of the dreams God has purposed in our lives, remember, its about a lot more than just 'getting' our hearts desires, and more about creating opportunities to give of our hearts in whatever it is God has created us be. As the great John Maxwell said, and I just recently read,

"If you want to grow and become the best person you can be, you've got to be intentional about it."

A lot of us (myself included) have probably often been afraid of failure and, as a result, felt that we are merely being tossed by the tide of life-and certainly there are seasons of that, where all we can do is cling to God. However, don't forget, Christ told us if we had the faith of a mustard seed we could move mountains...hmmm...

Tidal forces shouldn't be a problem.

Meditations on a Season

I finally just finished watching the season finale of Mad Men. For those of you that watch the show, you'll know its actually been almost a month since it actually aired, but thanks to the magic of DVR, I've finally finished catching up on Season 2. For those of you that don't watch the show, well, before I get into the rest of what I'm going to say here, I will make this somewhat brief, and poignant recommendation-WATCH IT!

And don't just watch it, savor it, devour it, and I promise if you do, you feel as though you have not merely watched TV, but experienced a modern piece of cinematic literature. My soul is completely stirred but what I watched tonight. Many were probably not as deeply moved as I was, and that is understandable and being adopted, some of the moments affected me particularly deeply; but, to avoid spoilers I won't divulge details here (I also hope this will inspire you to watch it, did I mention you should watch it!!!). But watching this show and all of its characters wrestle with their varying degrees of abandonment and loneliness, I could not help but consider my own, and reflect on the journey God has taken me on this last year.

When I reflect on where I was last year at this time, I will only say that there were many chapters ending in my life then, and the epilogue I was beginning to write was not a healthy one. However at the turn of this year, I took responsibility for the choices I had made and began to face the many issues in my heart that had embedded themselves as result of the previous season of my life, and the verse had been on my heart (and still very much is...) was 2 Corinthians 5:17:

"If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, old things have passed away, behold, all things have become new."

I knew I needed something to break and it would eventually on February third of this year.

How do I know that?

That was the day our pastor taught a message about leadership, and also a day I happened to be taking notes in church.... What he had to say however, woke me up and revealed to me the wretched condition my soul was in and made me realize that if I didn't do something about it soon, I was doomed to live a life of mediocrity--which in my book is the greatest failure. Oddly enough, this was something I never thought I would face. I had always had passion and heart! How could I possibly have gotten to that point? I realized that in the last season in my life somewhere my heart had shifted from living, to surviving; and, as a result, my heart and passions had put me on the defensive rather than the offensive in my life.

We are all leaders. Everyone of us. Yeah, we may not lead a company or an army, but we are called to lead our lives. These were the ideas my pastor spoke that caused a revolution in my heart.

Since then, it has been an amazing journey...and it is only getting better.

In the last two days, as I have shared this testimony with others, they told me that 7 (last year) is the biblical number of completion, and that 8 (this year) is a number signaling new beginnings, and as I look back at my '08, I can only humbly thank the Lord for restoring and redefining me. It has truly been a year of new things!

So as our year begins to draw to a close I hope you will all reflect on this season of your life, and take stock of God's mercy and grace in your life. And while many of us may not all have the same issues, we all have the same God, who is able to do more than we could ever imagine in our hearts.

We just might need to get out of the way....

The Long Weekend

Well it has been a few days since my last entry for sure...writing daily is not an easy task however, since I did not write, I will recap!

Friday-

We opened "Over the River and Through the Woods" to a wonderful audience and even a few surprise guests for me:) It went very well and I am very excited about this coming weekends shows!

Saturday-

Had an even better show than Friday! Our audience was terrific! Its been so long as an actor since I have truly felt an audience be "with me" in a show. We truly had them in the palm of our hands! And afterward, I got to reunite with some old theater friends, truly fun! We also had a reviewer there so I'll let you know when it comes out...maybe.

Sunday-

I served at my church in the afternoon, helping produce the 2 and 6 o'clock services, which is always a blessing to me:) Then a bunch of friends from church and I had an 'un-official' connect event in Burbank, as we gorged ourselves on Fuddruckers...fun!

Monday-

Spent the day preparing for "The Producers" audition and recorded some more dialogue for "The 5th Dimension" , the Turkish TV show I'm helping dub into English...its kind of like Highway to Heaven but with - well - Turks....very interesting.

Tuesday-

Met with an accompanist to go over my music for my audition. I sang "Grow For Me" from Little Shop of Horrors. Then put in a half day of work as Donkey at Universal, went home to clean up, went to Kinko's to print out a headshot, and copy my sheet music, and then it was off to Long Beach for the audition! I must say I was exhausted by last night. I haven't really had much down time the last few weeks I realized.... All in all, I felt it went well but I don't think they'll be calling me. It didn't seem likely last night anyway....

And that brings us to today. I'm about to head off to our production meeting at church, but not after working at the Observatory this morning and having an inspiring meeting with some fellow artists about some, well, stuff...I can't divulge just yet, but its very exciting! Stay tuned....

As the rest of the week is already moving quickly towards the weekend again...I hope you to see some of you at the play this weekend...if not, well, I love you all anyway. But I will cry a little...well, just enough to make you feel bad for missing it...;)

So I didn't blog everyday, but at least I got the recap in - and that counts doggone it!

Beyond Belief

Matt. 13:13 "That's why I tell stories: to create readiness, to nudge the people toward receptive insight." (MSG Bible)

Parables. Most of us who have grown up in church or exposed to the gospels in any way are familiar with parables. Its how Christ chose to illustrate heavenly principles. Some are easy to derive meaning from, others, not so much. It takes a willingness to understand the truths behind it. However, I believe those of us that are called to be artists have been blessed with the unique ability to touch people in this way, and the scripture above is our mission statement. As Christians of course the Great Commission is and always will be our top priority, however, as artists who are followers of Christ, I believe this is one way we walk out Christ's final mandate to us.

In our post modern culture today, it is becoming increasingly more challenging to find relevant means of witnessing to the world around us. I think as a result it is easy to complicate the simplicity of Christ's message, which is simply to love God with all of our heart's and minds and to love our neighbors as ourselves. I cannot think of a season of my life where I have needed God's love and strength more than I have in the last year. A year ago as I look back on who I was, I can only tell you that it is because of Him that I am here at all. He has spared me from so much and through the power of His love has softened my heart and made it whole again. He has taken me from simple belief to beyond belief. From growing distant, to growing as a leader. From living in weakness, to letting my weaknesses give me strength. From being opportunistic, to creating opportunity. From being a slave to my desires, to letting my passions set me free. From living in fear of failure, to letting my failures make me fearless. And from being boy, to being a man.

I'm not sure what your story is, but we are obliged to share it. In fact the only thing next to the power of His blood in scripture is our testimony (Rev. 11:12). As we continue NaBloPoMo I hope to hear more about some of your stories and I will continue to fill you in on mine. Speaking of which, on a lighter note...I am off to my final rehearsal before we open tomorrow night! I already know of some people coming to see the show I hope you will too, and I hope the story you will see will "nudge" you to becoming a better person as well! 

For info on the show, check out: www.whittiercommunitytheatre.com

Maintain Consciousness....

So the last few weeks have been truly tiring. With working and rehearsing it almost feels like I have 2 full time jobs! But I can tell you at least I am really proud of my work, I just hope I'll be awake enough to enjoy it!

Tonight's rehearsal was a bit tough, for me anyway. I just didn't feel focused for some reason. Maybe it's because I worked 2 jobs before I got there...maybe...but I did have problems focusing. The show is in a good place and I am being hard on myself, however, there always seems to be that one rehearsal the week a show opens that can cast doubt over your work and tonight was that night. Tomorrow night we will just be working specific scenes and sharpening any moments that need polishing.

My other cast members are really great. I am enjoying getting to know all of them. The 4 grandparents are really sweet and each one is as endearing as their characters.

Tonight too, I also added a very personal touch to the show. It's a jigsaw puzzle my grandfather put together, glued and framed. Its a picture of a San Francisco scene with a trolley car near Chinatown. In every show I do, I like to bring some kind of personal touch like that, and as  this show is stirring many pleasant memories of my own grandparents, I felt it appropriate to add this picture. My grandfather, Frank (which incidentally is the name of one of my grandparents in the show...) always loved doing those kind of projects. I also found it even more apropos, as I realized tonight, my character in his final monologue even refers to wondering how his grandparents "fit into the puzzle of his life".  It really choked me up a little tonight.

Hope you can all come see it!!!

Stop the Press!!

So writing every day is proving to be much more difficult than I truly thought. However, here I am getting at least today's in. The last few days, I was working and rehearsing and simply did not have time to sit and write anything! So I apologize for missing two days, however, I can at least say I've increased my blog writing!

On an exciting note, the local Daily News printed it's article on our show this past Sunday, click here to go read it! It was really fun being interviewed for a story about something I'm involved with. It circulated in the LA Daily News as well as most of the San Gabriel Valley papers! I can't remember when that's happened-well, ever. Mostly I just get reviewed...but interviewed? Well I suppose it's forward momentum. I really am proud of the show we're working on. I am really growing as an actor and it feels good to be flexing my acting muscles a little.

What I'm learning most so far, is the value of listening. Having my lines off book for a few days now has given me a chance to worry less about what I'm saying and more about how to react to what my fellow actors are telling me.  Also keeping my objectives clear from moment to moment is helping me "trim the fat" off of my performance. I am anxious to see where my character Nick 'grows' from here (please excuse the cheesy pun...)

I hope you all were responsible citizens and got out to vote today, not matter what or who you vote for, vote!!!

Talk to you soon!